


Stay or go

by Tigi



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26515363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigi/pseuds/Tigi
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

,,I got to go."words spoken in a soft voice, whispered in a lover's ear.

,,Now? God damn it, it is six in the morning, stay at least until breakfast."came the disappointed reply.  
Once again begging for more time, asking for a commitment instead of occasional meetings, which lead to nights were they went to bed together.  
It was always felt so good, so right to be together.  
But it seemed there relationship could only exist in under the dark cover of the night.

,,I am truly sorry, but it is matter I can't delay, you could even say it is a matter if live and death.  
I literally can't be late."  
A lie.  
Again.  
It always ended like this.

,,Don't lie to me."  
Once again.  
Please don't leave me, where the unspoken words.  
Don't leave me alone.  
For once, please stay.

,,I swear I don't, you of all people should know. This is serious, maybe next time."came the excuse,used so often it meant almost nothingh.  
Next time.  
When will next time be?  
When you once again need somebody to spent your night with?  
When no one is so foolish to flirt back at you?  
Next time.  
It's a lie.  
It was a lie the first time,it caused as a promise and it will be a lie forever.  
Next time.  
Still there would be always this spark of hope, this littel flame of believe in thses words.  
Keeping there relationship alive.  
Next time.

,,Next time then."came the usal agreement.  
It always ended like this.  
Every day, as son as the sun rats touched the earth, it seemed like their relationship faded.  
Unabel to exist put in the open.  
When the morning came and they would both stay, they wouldn't be able to deny that they were together.  
That this was more then just sex.  
Next time.  
This was the promise that either would one day become true and keep them together forever.  
Or one day, would be offered by somone else.  
Next time.

.............

Life is beautiful thinks Larrkin, while he looks at Anton.  
It took them such a long time to get together, but now that they are it is pure bliss.  
They are sitting together outside, while the other dead mans are inside.  
Somehow it feels like a cliche to watch the sun going down.  
But in these unsteady time every good moment has to be believed to its fullest.

,,I love you."mutters Larrkin and kisses his boyfriend on the cheek.  
This is perfect.  
But at the same time it feels.......forbidden to be happy, when there still is war.

,,I love you too."replies Shudder.  
I love you, the words Larrkin wants to hear over and over.  
The words he knows now are true.  
Three words he longed for so long.  
I love you.

Normally Shudders is the silent type of guy, and it goes on Larrkins nerves sometimes, but Shudders speaks the important words out.  
I love you.  
That is enough.

,,SonetimesI think about the time after the war.  
What will it be like?"asks Larrkin thinkimg aloud ,,it seems so far away, but one day it will be over. Don't you find yourself asking what you are going to do sometimes?"

,,Never."replies Shudder to his suprise.  
Suprised Larrkin looks at his boyfriend, he never heard him speak of any plans for after the war.

,,Never?"asks Larrkin in disbelief.

,,Never."assures Shudder him and turns his eyes to look at Larrkin.  
They are of a deep brown, never has Larkin seen such beautiful eyes.any people are afraid of Shudder, because of the gist.  
But you have only to look into these brown eyes, to know he is good man, think Larrkin.

,,And you Lar?"asks Shudder.  
For once curious.

,,I think I will built a hotel, but one which isn't going to stand somewhere.  
It will move."answers Larrkin grinning.  
He would like that, a hotel not bound to the usual rules.

,,Sounds good."mutters Shudder and they go quit once again.  
Larrkin is leaning against Shudder and closes his eyes.  
Even with the war still going on, he feels safe like this.  
He can feel the warmth of Shudder and his chest rise and fall.

,,What do you think the others are doing?"asks Larrkin suddenly and hears Shudder sigh.  
His boyfriend is nearly as often annoyed with all of Larrkins talking as Larrkin with Shudders silence.  
But in the end they always stay together despite all their littel arguments.

,,Dexter and Saracen are denying there love for each other as usual, I guess."mutters Shudder back and sounds sad.  
All of the dead man know about Saracen and Dexter and every single one of them hopes they will get over their shadow and stay together one day.

,,Maybe they will get together one day and they will be finally happy. One can only hope, but I believe they just have to wait a littel longer to get.....older."replies Larrkin trying to lighten the mood up.  
Dexter and Larrikn are an odd couple, fitting together so well, but denying themselves a real relationship.  
As if they were trying to be unhappy.

.............

This was the right decision, it always is, after all he can say what he want, but we are unfit to be a couple.  
Or at least that was what he told himself hurrying trough the streets.  
Next time.  
It was a lie of course, never coming true, but of it was what kept them together, so be it.

There was no meeting, neither important or not.  
It was only an excuse.  
Preventing him from getting hurt.  
This is cowardly whispered a voice in their head.  
Maybe, but it is safer like this.  
For both of us.

As long as it stayed like this, it wasn't real.  
They meet, the had sex, they moved on.  
Maybe one day they would be ready to settle down.  
But this day was far way from now.  
And it is nothing I want.  
After all the wishes of their lover were clear enough.  
A house.  
Fine by him, why not?  
They could live their, making it comfortable, homely even.  
Marriage.  
That would be tougher, after all it would mean monogamy and that was not a easy thingh.  
Neither was it some of their wishes.  
But he was ready to give his freedom up and let his wings get clipped.  
If it makes my lover happy.....  
Kids.  
Not, once had he wished for them himself and he didn't saw a reason.  
They were loud annoying......  
And he wouldn't be good as a parent.

No we could never be together.  
Not like this.  
Next time.  
Maybe it isn't coming.  
It was probably better this way.

..............

,,You shouldn't do this......you shouldn't even be like this."snapped a voice at him.

,,Well I do and I am like this."came the calm reply, shrugging it off.  
Like he always did.  
Not once had he ever let his father see his hurt, or his pain.  
Every time his father said things like this.....  
It felt as if somone setting his heart on fire.  
But he knew he couldn't show his hurt, it would only give his father statisfication.  
No he had to be strong.

,,It is a sin."came an instant reply.  
Not a common reply.  
Mostly his father insisted that his behaviour was against nature's order or something like that.

,,You don't believe in god and neither do I."came the instant reply.  
Once again a reply denying his hurt.  
At the outside he was calm, but he knew this words would haunt him for a long time, yet to come.

,,William....."began another try to convince him.  
Another try to make him change his mind.  
But even if he wanted, he had accepted a long time ago, he couldn't.  
It wasn't a choice.

,,I don't want to hear it, father. I am tired of you telling me what to do.  
I am making my own choices."interrupted William, letting his anger show.  
But not his hurt.  
Showing pain is a sign of weakness son, the words echoed in his ears.  
Spoken such a long time ago.  
But he would remeber them still, until the day he died.  
Thses were after all the only words of comfort he got from his father when he cried.

,,It is against the law."snapped his father finally at him.

,,Since when do we obey the law?"then he turned around and left.  
Another fight with his father.  
Once again they had only argued.  
But maybe that was just the way it was.

But even when he thought that he knew deep down that it was a lie.  
He wasn't at terms with beeing gay.  
If his father hadn't found out that Sanguin was gay, he still wouldn't know.  
At least Sanguin wouldn't have told him.  
But maybe one day he will come to terms with himself.

...........

Once again there eyes found each other.  
As they had so often over years and centuries.  
It was on a bar in Ireland, for both of them their homeland.  
Only for one of them their homecity.  
Dublin.

,,I didn't knew you were here."muttered Dexter, feeling uncomfortable, remembering the last time they meet.  
Once again Saracen had left in a hurry.  
Next time.  
Would this finally be the time they would stay together?  
Instantly Dexter heart started to beat faster.  
Maybe for once they would make it, become a couple.

,,Well I didn't knew either, it has been a long while."replied Saracen.  
Then he smiled his usual flirtatious smile, which got most womans falling for him.  
And one man.

,,It seems a littel too crowded here."pointed Dexter out.  
Because it was crowed.  
The littel bar was practically bursting, not able to contain all thus peoples.  
But above all Dexter wanted to talk somoner more private.

,,It is, we should go to my flat."agreed Saracen, smiling brightly at him.  
Of course.  
The flat wre Saracens bed would be too and where they once again would only repeat what Dexter knew.

But he still nodded.  
Maybe it is diffrent this time.  
After all he promised.  
Next time.

,,I kissed you."admitted Saracen, as soon as the door closed, then he pulled Dexter towards him, into a kiss.  
Their body's seemed to remeber this familiar dance all on their own.  
Without much thought they kissed and started to remove clothes.

,,We should talk."Whispered Dexter into his lovers ear.  
He knew that he had to tell him now.  
I can to do thus anymore, thought Dexter.  
It is breaking my heart.  
Every time you leave you shatter my heart.  
And every time you come back you just put it together as if nothingh was.  
As if it never happened.  
You will my shattered heart so effortlessly.  
Only to shatter it again.

,,Later Dex."promised Saracen him and kissed him once again distracting him.  
Like he always did.  
This is so good and feels so right.  
Maybe that means this time he won't break my heart again.  
Maybe this time we will talk.

Trusting his lover once again, Dexter followed him to his bedroom.  
Followed him into the bed and under the sheets.  
Fell asleep next to him.  
Only to wake up to an empty bed.

...........

,,Why are we here?"asked William sucpiously.  
Crossing his arms in front of his chest.

,,Don't be so suspicious William. This is just a place for people who are.......not quite right."  
That sounded bad.  
That sounded worse then the one time his father brought a priest to their house trying to get him convinced that God was against it.  
That it was a sin.

,,No, just no.  
How can you?  
Is there even one part of you that...that loves me?"asked he shaking his head filled with terror.

,,I am a killer.  
You won't just get my love.  
You need to earn it."demanded his father and turned to face the big house.

A man walked out of it, smiling at them brightly.

,,I am here to welcome you.  
We are always so please to know we can help somone to.......get on the right path again.  
You must be William-Raymond Sanguin?"asked tge man turning to Sanguin smiling, as if this was somhow filling him with joy.

,,I don't need your help."declared Billy-Ray with a strong unshaken voice, but you could hear that he was angry.  
Incredibly angry.  
How could his father dare to do this?  
Without talking to him?  
Ignoring all his sons wishes?  
Judging him, saying it was wrong was ine thingh.  
Sanguin could live with THAT.  
He wasn't happy with it, but he could accept it, tolerate it.  
But trying to force him, against his wishes to be somone other than he truly was.......  
That went to far.

,,I assure you we can help you.  
Maybe you think it is nothingh you can change, but...."began the man again trying his best to appear full of empathy, ready to help.

For once Sanguin felt empathy.  
Empathy for all theses man and woman who had to suffer trough this.

,,No, that isn't it.  
I am happy with who I am.  
I am gray and I believe I always be.  
There is bothingh to be ashamed of."snapped Sanguin at the man, who seemed quite stunned.  
Good.  
Maybe that would make him think a littel bit.  
Maybe he would discover that beeing gay wasn't wrong.

,,And even if I am gay and it is wrong?  
Why does it bother you?  
It is my life and I make the decisions, so let me live my life and live yours.  
You don't have to accept me, you just have to respect my choices.  
You should consider doing this too."muttered Sanguin at his father and then turned around.  
Just walked away.  
He felt exposed and vulnerable, but strong at the same time for standing up for who he was.

Maybe I have been to quite, never really standing to myself.  
Always trying to hide who and what I am.  
But I shouldn't.  
There is nothing wrong with me.  
Not in that way at least.

.............

,,You left me."  
Dexter didn't even tried to hide his hurt or his irritation.  
Neither did he bothered with an explanation.  
They both knew what he was talking about.

,,Dex, just think about it......"tried Saracen, for once not running away, thought Dexter bitterly.  
Probably because he knows thatI am the faster of the both of us.  
If not he would most likely run.  
Like he always does.

,,I don't want to think about it!  
No, I want to talk, Sar.  
I wan you for once to listen to me and tell me what you want.  
Either stay for once or go.....forever."ordered Dexter him.  
This is dangerous, thought Dexter.

Because I have to go trough with this or he won't ever think me serious.  
And if I go trough with this.....  
Then it will be final.  
There won't be the promise if a next time.  
It would be final.  
I would finally know if I have a broken heart or not.

,,Just let us wait."tried Saracen it once again laying his hand on top of Dexter.  
Smiling reassuring at Dexter.  
But Dexter had waited long enough.  
Watch his friend flirt with woman only days after they met, father left him.  
As of he meant nothingh.  
When Saracen meant everything to him.

,,I waited a century now.  
That was long enough."replied Dexter taking his hand way from his Saracens.  
It was hard not to grieve him,but he had to stay strong.  
He needed to know were they were.

,,It'is just not the time Dexter.  
You and I both know, that two man can't be together in this time."argued Saracen.  
That was new.  
So far Saracen always had used personal excuses or an urgent matter that needed to be done.

,,People are getting more and more tolerate every day."pointed Dexter out, maybe thatwlyld convince Saracen.....  
Maybe.......  
But then Dexter thought it over, slowly considered every possibility.

,,Is it really that we can't be together, or that you are embarrassed seeing holding hands with a man in public?"asked Dexter slowly.  
Terrified looked Dexter at Saracen.  
Had he really always been denied a relationship,because Saracen was......ashamed of him?  
Anger flashed trough him and made seemed to leave a sour taste in his mouth.

,,Of course I am not!  
Just let us wait until we can live our life in peace, until we...."

,,No, decide.  
Make a decision Saracen."demanded Dexter and mustered all force he could in his voice.

,,I swear I am not ashamed of you.  
As soon as gays and heterosexuals have the same rights we can be together."

Finally.

.............

Billy-Ray didn't met his father again, soon he was imprisoned for killing a man he hadn't killed.  
At the same time he felt sad and relieved.  
Now he wouldn't have to hear his father telling him how to live his life all the time.  
But at the same time he longed to prove his father that there was nothingh wrong with him.  
That Sanguin was a son he could be proud of.

,,You are Scarabs son, aren't you?"asked suddenly a deep voice behind him.

Startled Sanguin tuened around, only to face a man with short black hair and blue, cold eyes.  
Oh no, thought Sanguin looking at the man and knowing intermediatly what it was about.

,,I guess I am."admitted Sanguin with a sigh and already began to make himself tesdy for a fight.

A wise decision it turned out.  
As soon as he confirmed his identity, the man began to attack him.  
Trying to punch and kick him, no doubt with the intention either to beat him up badly or to kill him.  
Most likely the later.  
Not that Samguin cared to find out, both ways he would like to avoid having to suffer trough the treatment the man would like to give him.

,,Just pit of curious?  
What exactly has my father done?  
Did he insulted you?  
Was he a bad neighbour?"asked Sanguin.  
Not that he really cared, but it would be nice to know how his father managed to anger this man.  
His father seemed to have a knack for doing so.  
Sanguin had to know, after all he meet many of man and womanike this man.

,,He killed my family."replied the man, still doing his best to beat up/kill Sanguin.

,,Yeah, he does that."admitted Sanguin.  
Not seeing why exactly he was now fighting this man.  
He would understand if he was the killer.  
But why pet it out on the son of the man who killed your family?  
It seemed unfair.

,,I will kill you, like he killed my family."promised the man him, suddenly taking out a big sword, hidden under his coat.  
This isn't good, thought Sanguin.  
Why did people always had to bring weapons when they tried to ki him?  
Or why couldn't they at least notify him before, so he could carry a weapon as well?  
It just seemed so unfair.

,,I don't think you will do that "interrupted a short woman with short blind hair and striking blue eyes both of them.  
She didn't seemed to feel any fear, even trough she was smaller than both of them by a foot.

,,This isn't your business, stay out off it woman."snapped the man at her.  
Looking as Iif she was somethingh unexpected and clearly unwanted in his food.  
Like a fly in his soup.

,,You make it my business by trying to kill a man, who suprisingly is once innocent.  
And even if he wasn't killing him won't bring your family back."pointed the woman out.  
She was now standing between them, her back to Sanguin.  
Apparently she was trying to defend him.  
Interesting, thought Sanguin watchimg her.

,,You are right, it won't bring my family back."admitted the man.  
Suprised Sanguins eyes widened.  
Would words really solve this?  
It would be a nice change, that was for sure.  
,,But it will make me feel better."continued the man.  
So no change after all.  
Just a littel break.

Then the man attacked the sword moving swiftly trough the air.

What happened next came to a suprise to both of the man.  
With an unexpected grace and speed the woman dodged his attack and only seconds later the man was disarmed, his sword lying on the floor.  
Then she took some handcuffs out of her pocket and cuffed him.

,,I am calling the Cleaver now. Maybe you will be able to reflect on your actions a bit.  
I am sorry for the terrible loss of your famuily, but this is not the way to live with it."  
Then the woman turned around, looking at a man with brown hair, who had all the time stood there frozen.

,,Would you do mean favor and het the Cleaver?"asked the woman looking at the man with the brown hair.  
So he must be a soccer and they must know each other concluded Sanguin.

,,But......we have a date."exclaimed the man sadly looking at the woman with doe eyes.

,,I am sorry, I fear we will have to continue another day."said the woman and the man nodded and took off.  
Obeying to the orders he had been given.

,,Thank you, even if it hasn't really been necessary."addressed Sanguin the woman for the first time.  
Grinning at her broadly.

,,Your welcome, you just made my day a littel more interesting."shrugged the woman it off.  
Clearly still calm and not at all startled by what had happened.  
She had wasted all the time, as if she was an experienced fighter.  
Used to all of it and saw it only as a routine.  
Maybe a war veteran, probably one who fought on the other side.

,,Can I ask who exactly saved me?"asked Sanguin interested.  
For once a woman had captured his attention.  
Not that he had the slightest interested in dating her, but still.......  
There was somethingh about her.

,,Aylin. And don't make it a habit Mister Sanguin.  
I won't be always there to save you."

........ 

It starts out as every other mission, but in the end it seems like the worst day of their lives.  
Imprinted on their memory forever.

,,He is dead."announces Ghastly and tries to patt Shudder on the shoulder.  
Tries to give comfort.  
But Shudder brushes his hand angrily away and turns back again to the....corpse.

It seems strange to see one of their best friends reduced to this, a corpse.  
Dead and lifeless.

Dexter feels as if he would listen closely he could still hear Larkins screams, echoing trough the battle field.  
They won.  
But only the battle,in the end they lost what was more important.

,,We need to dig a grave."reminds Skulldugery them all off the uncomfortable truth.  
They will have to move on.  
They will have to leave Karrkin behind.  
Every one of them know that Larrkin is gone and that it is.........Dexter's fault.

Nobody says it and nobody probably will ever say it, but for Dexter it seems like the only possible conclusion.

Larrkin shouldn't be dead, he was madly in love and had his whole life ahead of him.  
Watchund Shudder hugging his dead boyfriend, shaking with sobs Dexter feels increadibly guilty.  
This shouldn't be Larrkin.  
It should be him.

........

The loss of Hopeless and Larrkin had made wreckage out of Dexter.  
Losing first the man he had know so long and always appreciated......  
Then soon after that they lost the man who had always made it so easier to continue the missions.  
Larrkin seemed to have a inner strength, most of them didn't possed.  
He was almost always optimistic.

,,Don't blame yourself for his death."advised him a familiar voice.  
One he had missed now a long time.  
A voice he had feared not to hear again.

,,Aurora, I didn't knew you were back."welcomed Dexter her, hugging her shortly.  
What he didn't said was,I thought you were dead.  
Like so many others.

In the end every one tells him,it isn't his fault,but he can't believe them.  
Larrikin is death and he lives.  
It doesn't seems fair, after all Larrkin had futher with the man he loved.  
And Dexter?  
He is constantly heart broken and hasn't gotten the slightested clue what his future is going to be.

So he starts travelling.  
Every one copes differently with Larrkins dead.  
Anton builds a hotel, which Larrkin always imagined doing and it seems to give Shudder some peace.

Ghastly opens his own littel shop, making the best suits and dresses.  
Every one knows were to got to if they want clothes with real quality.

Skulldugery is a detective ones again, solving murders and arresting the suspects.  
Occasionally he brakes a law or two doing so, but he seems fine.  
For a man who last his family to the war at least.

And for Erskine? He went back into politics with Corrival Deuce, his old mentor.

Saracen? The love of Dextrs life? As far as Dexter knows he is sleeping with every woman in the world.  
And it is breaking Dexters heart all over again.  
Is he like all these womans? Just somone to warm Saracens bed for a night or two?

While they all seen to settle down Dexter begins to run. Or at least it feels like that.  
He travels around the world and lives the life of an adventure to the fullest.  
He goes even to the article one day for a mission.  
But his life still seems.....empty.

Sighing he stands in the one apartment in Dublin he pays rent for, even trough he only stays there once a year, at most.  
He doesn't even knows if he could call it a home.  
Sure it is comfortable and homely enough, but he feels like a stranger in it.

Slowly he gets up from his bed and walks to the living room.  
I have to do somethingh, maybe there is somone who needs my skills, things Dexter.  
Only a week ago he arrived in Dublin and it still feels to long.  
As if his past us catching up with him, if he stays to long at one place.  
He needs to move.

,,Nice home."compliments a man and alarmed Dexter turns around.  
The voice has a thick southern accent and the man himself wares cowboy boots.  
Bad taste in clothes things Dexter, looking at the brown suit and the sunglasses.  
It's winter sunglasses shouldn't be worn at this time of the year, they are a summer thingh.

,,Thank you."replies Dexter and while he us still taking the man attacks him, hoping to take him by surprise.  
It doesn't works, after all Dexter is still a dead man.

But damn it the guy gets close.  
His straight razor makes it to Dexter throat, but misses the main artery.  
Lucky for Dexter, but still too close for Dexter's liking.

The guy isn't even that much of a fighter, or at least not a good one.  
After exchanging afew punches, Dexter takes hold of the mans arm and snaps it in two.  
Howling out in pain the man wiggles free and then something strange happens.... the earth cracks open and the man is gone.

..........

Stupid, thinks Sanguin to himself.  
I could have killed him, then and there.  
But I waited to long, when he walked into the living room and then I said something, like an complete idiot. Looking at the white wall, he us cursing himself. Maybe I am a complete idiot. His arm hurts like hell and ever time he has to move it hot waves of pain shoot trough his arm. ,,Mister Sanguin? The doctor is ready to see you."announces the secretary in the littel waiting room and Sanguin gets up. Gritting his teeth against the pain he walks into the littel room, which too is painted white with only a littel furniture. The rest of the day Sanguin oy takes in trugh a thick fog. When the doctor asks how he broke his arm, he replies with some lie about falling on his arm. The doctor doesn't look convinced, but Sanguin doesn't care, he just wants the pain gone. He leaves with a crutch and a perception for painkillers. Stopping by a littel apotheke he gets the drugs and then goes straight to his apartment. Sighing he falls into his head and goes straight to sleep. ...........

Times goes by and Dexter travels.  
Restless.  
Feeling like he is running again.  
For a short time he stays in Ireland and attends the Requime ball.  
Saracen does too.

,,I thought you wouldn't come."admits Saracen.  
He looks uncomfortable, maybe he remembers what the said last time.  
Dexter realises, it must have been all a lie.

,,Well,I think I will go now."snaps Dexter back, feeling at the edge.  
Only seeing Saracen reminds him of all his pain and worse makes him long for getting together.  
But he knows that won't happen.

,,Don't stay."pleads Saracenand takes him at the arm.  
And Dexter stays.

But for long trough, the leave and they do it all over again.  
We seem to be doomed to repeat the past, thinks Dexter while he raps his arms around Saracen.  
Holding his lover tightly he knows he will be gone at the morning, he will wake up to an empty bed.  
Again.  
But he knew that all the time and he still did it.  
Was it because it is a bad habit Dexter can't brake with?  
Or is there some part in him foolish enough to still hope to be one day a couple with Saracen?

..............

As soon as Saracen wakes up, he slips out of the warmth of the bed and takes his clothes.  
Soon he walks away.  
Coward, a littel voice in his head tells him.  
Maybe, thinks Saracen, but maybe it is better this way.  
I like my freedom and to have no responsibilities.

Never staying to long with somone saves him from the heartbreak and makes him beeing the one in control.

For a long time they don't see each other again.  
Saracen thinks Dexter must be avoiding him, not so suprising thinks Saracen.  
Occasionally they see each other when they meet or help one of the other dead man.  
But they never meet with only the two of them.

But one day out of the blue he gets called from Dexter, to help him to collect the hod killers.  
Darquesse.  
For a long time it was obvious she would be a problem and know the Irish Sanctuary is trying to get weapons, which will work against Darquesse.

All the time trough the mission Saracen tries to flirt with Dexter (not when the other team members are around of course).  
But Dexter blocks every of his attempts.  
Then Aurora catches his eye.

On the flight back, after they were defeated from Tanith and her psychopath boyfriend, Saracen knows that the thingh with Aurora was a mistake.

At least he feels like that every time he looks at Dexter.  
Most wouldn't notice but he sees his old friend looking outside the window, trying to think of something that will distract him from Saracen.  
He notices it in the way Dexterseems to chew his lip, as of he is still thinking about it.  
Or maybe he thinks about the failure their mission has been.  
Who knows?

As soon as the goodbyes are said they walk on separate paths again.  
This time Saracen doesn't even tries to talk to Dexter.  
Maybe it is better this way.

...............


	2. Chapter 2

,,I guess I am a present, so they won't kill you immediately, aren't I?"asked Dexter and tried to make eye contact with the killer.  
But he was ignored.  
Odd, thought Dexter, normally the problem with the Tecan was that he couldn't shut up.  
That was strange.  
Even stranger was that the killer was currently reading.  
But more important to Dexter, henneded to go to the toilet.  
Right now, preferably.

,,I read Harry Potter too."declared Dexter, hoping maybe that would start a conversation.  
God, he needed to talk to somone, he was bored to hell and all he could think about was all the Darquesse stuff and of course all the enemies Ireland suddenly had.

,,Come on Billy-Ray talk to me, I can call you Billy-Ray can't I? You don't mind I hope.  
I mean now that we are sitting in the same plane with nothingh to do........"began Dexter

If he would at least give me a book, thought Dexter.  
But no, maybe he us trying to bore me to death.

,,Well, if you don't want to talk to me......."muttered Dexter, sighed and looked around.  
His look stopped as soon as he saw Tanith, sitting only a few rows away, she too was reading.  
Maybe she would help him get rid of his boredom.

,,Tanith!"called Dexter out and true enough she lowered her book and shot a glare at Sanguin.

,,Honey can't you too keep quit?"asked Tanith Sanguin, who now closed his book with a sigh.

,,Sure Tan."replied and then turned his head around too Dexter.

,,What do you want?"asked Sanguin and Dexter could hear his annoyance and somethingh diffrent too.  
But he wasn't sure about the other emotion.  
Odd.

,,I need to go to the bathroom."decided Dexter.  
He could later try to start a conversation, but right now, this was more important.  
At least for him.

,,Can't you wait, until we reach Ireland?"asked Sanguin annoyed.  
Looking as if Dexter needed to go to the toilet on purpose.

,,No unless you want to ruin these nice chairs."replied Dexter.  
He could see the Texan thinking about it and he got the feeling it looked bad for him.

,,Do us all the favor won't you?"interrupted Tanith, the Texans thinking.  
Maybe she liked thses chairs.

,,Sure."muttered Sanguin and got up and uncuffed the cuff, which tied Dexter to the chair.  
She really is the one in power, thought Dexter, while he watched them interact.  
As soon as Tanith said somethingh Sanguin did it.

They are an odd couple, noticed Dexter, but still they seemed to get better along then me and Saracen.

,,You still have to go to the bathroom, ya know?"asked Sanguin lookimg down at Dexter, who was still sitting in his chair.

,,Sure."muttered Dexter and got up and stood up.  
To his suprise the Texan followed him into the bathroom.

,,Do you really think I am going to flee out of the bathroom?"asked Dexter amused looking at the Texan who leaned with crossed arms against the wall.

,,You are a dead man, who knows what you will try and in what you would succeed."replied the Texan curtly, looking rather uncomfortable

,,I am a dead man, but that doesn't make me totally unbeatable, but I have to admit, I get pretty near."  
Grinning Dexter went into the littel cabin.  
A littel later he came out and washed his hands.

,,I have to admit I never got what Tanith could possibly see in you, even with a remant.  
But now I think she noticed that you are pretty useful.....as a babysitter, or a dog that follows every command."added Dexter, nooded once at Billy-Ray and left the toilet.

........ 

Seeing him again was a relief and a torture at the same time.  
Of course was Saracen reliefed to see that Dexter was still in one piece, but he just could to.wll the friend stuff.  
If he were Dexter's boyfriend he could drag him aside and ask him......  
But he wasn't, so he stood still watching Dexter beeing lead out by Tanith and Sanguin.

,,Well, nice to meet you all again."greeted Sanguin them grinning.  
Instantly Ghastly looked ready to punvk him, until the stupid grin left his face.

,,Can't say the same of you."muttered Donegan.

,,Ah come on, admit it..... you missed me."replied Sanguin with a even broader grin.  
No one smiled back.

Typically, thought Sanguin, they were all just to serious, they needed to relax more.....

,,Now we have the polite stuff behind us, let us skip to the interesting stuffed."demanded Tanith with a grin. .......... It felt good to be back on Ireland thoight Dexter. Back home. With Saracen. That wasn't good, thought Dexter trying to ignore Saracen glare. He didn't needed to see the concern, which was the concern about a friend, not the one you would give your lover. Because that was what they were, reminded Dexter himself. Friends. Really good friends, but nothingh more and they wouldn't ever be more. It hurt to think this, but in the end it is the truth, told Dexter himself. ,,Do you even have a plan?"questioned Sanguin looking at them with a questioning look, probably feeling rather unwelcome. Maybe that had to do with Ghastly glaring daggers at him. Maybe not. Before anyone could say anything Ghastly answered ,,If we have a plan, you would be the last one we would tell." The boxers tone was threatening and angry, but Dexter could see the hurt too. He will probably never get over Tanith, realised Dexter, just the same as Shudder will never get over Larrkin. ,,Why not?"questioned Sanguin, as if he was actually suprised ,,I mean we are literally here to help you."pointed Sanguin out. You are here to help us and betray us as soon as we aren't useful to you anymore, thought Dexter. As soon as Sanguin started talking Ghastly looked angered again, probably reminded by the sheer presence of Sanguin, what he had lost. ,,Or is it more personally? About the thing with me and Tanith?"asked Sanguin then. Not his best move. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Ghastly leaped over the table and punched him. A good right hook, powerful and swift, Sanguin didn't reacted until it was too late. The Texans eyes widened in suprise, as if he hadn't expected his words to have this effect. Both of the man landed on the floor and Ghastly managed to get on top, letting blows rain onto the killer. Who looked now frightened, trying to push Ghastly away from him. Spoiler, it didn't worked. We should probably get Ghastly off him, before he kills Sanguin, realised Dexter. After all they needed the killer and he was still a human beeing. Not a nice one, or kind, but still the killer was a human beeing and maybe Ghastly would feel later guilty for killing him. Dexter highly doubted that, but it could be. Starting to move Dexter turned his head and looked at Tanith, expecting to run to her fiance, trying to defend him. She looked bored. That really isn't Tanith, thought Dexter, even if she dislikes Sanguin, she wouldn't stand by like this. She would at least look at their direction. Suddenly he had reached them and he grapped Ghastly and tried his best to dragg him away from Sanguin. ,,Stopp Ghastly, we still need him."told Dexter his friend, while he did his vest to get him away from Sanguin. Normally he would have helped Ghastly, but they would need Sanguins magic. Sanguin himself was quite grateful for the interruption, he had no problem to anger Ghastly, but he had a problem with getting punched. And even trough he hated to admit it, he was in no way good enough to fight Ghastly and win. Especially not with the whole weigh of his opponent pushing him down. This really wasn't going his way, thought Sanguin while he felt the pain making his jaw going numb and setting it on fire the same time. Every blow tha he received made him regret his choice of words, but it was to late now. But mercifully Dexter actually managed to get Ghadtly away from him. As soon as Sanguin was free he stood up himself and the world began to spin around him. Not a good sign thought Sanguin amd grapped the edge of the table, trying to stabilise himself. He felt as if he was drunk and couldn't walk or stand probably anymore. Definitely not good. And then there were of course all the other side effects of getting punched, his ribs felt bad, bus stomach worse and his face screamed at him. Of all the first blow made the worst damage thought Sanguin raising his free hand to his jaw. Even the light touch off his own hand seemed to sent a wave of pain trough his jaw. Ouch. ,,We shouldn't take their help, they are our enemies."muttered Ghastly. Somhow the voice sounded distant and faint. Another bad sign, he really wasn't in a good state thought Sanguin. But he could still hear the anger in Ghastlys boice, as if he was even now the bad guy. As if he was the one who attacked somone and tried to kill them. ,,Just for the record."pointed Sanguin out, even trough it shot waves of pain trough his jaw,,this time I didn't tried to kill somone." The pain made him want to throw up and he tried to focus on a point on the wall, he could see, to distract himself from it. Maybe it would even help with the spinning. It didn't. And his words didn't made the situation any better. Ghastly actually looked ready to punch him all over again. ,,We should cool down a littel."interrupted Skulldugery them and added ,,Ghastly stays here and Dexter takes him to a doctor." ,,Probably better."muttered Ghastly, obviously glad to be rid of Sanguin. For the time beeing at last.

........

Why do get assigned to the babysitter job thought Dexter, while he watched the doctor first asses and then treat Sanguins injurues.  
I am going to die if boredom thought Dexter and looked away, searching for something interesting to watch.  
There was nothing.  
Technically no suprise, they were in the medical bay, but still, Dexter was used to adventures.  
Not babysitting.  
They could have sent Shuddder or Saracen.  
And we are back to Saracen, thought Dexter bitterly.  
Even after all this time apart, I can't seem to forget him.  
Maybe it is because we have the same friends and in the result see each other to much.  
Maybe that is why I can't forget him.

,,What are you thinking about?"interrupted Sanguin his thinking and fir once Dexter was grateful for the Texans endless talking.  
Later he would long for the short silence when Sanguins jaw had been broken, but right now.....

,,Shouldn't you not speak? Your jaw can't already have healed."pointed Dexter out and turned around to the killer.  
Indeed there was some of the healing mudd on Sanguins jaw.

,,The doctor said, I shouldn't overdue it, but a littel talking wouldn't brake it all over again.  
By the way what were you thinkg about?  
You seemed rather......tense."  
God, now Sanguin notices that about me, but at least he didn't guessed what was talking about.

,,Nothingh important, adventure stuff."replied Dexter trying to look calm.

,,Sure, you can tell that yourself.  
It is about a relationship isn't it?  
And not a good one by the way you are glaring daggers at me,I guess.  
So do us both the favor and talk."concluded Sanguin after his littel speech and crossed his arms and leaned back in triump.

Dexter really hated babysitting.

......... 

He looked like she remebered.  
Handsome, strong and above all he seemed still kind and good.  
Right now he looked exhausted and grim, as if he was thinking off somethingh unpleasant.  
But she could still see the warmth in his brown eyes.  
This was the man she had fallen for.  
Instead she ended up with......a killer.  
Sure Sanguin was nice and kind enough, after all he loved her with all his heart.  
But she would never love him back.  
It wasn't the remant that made it impossible for her to love him, it was the fact that she had only room in her heart for one person.  
Ghastly.  
Then she longed for, the man she wanted and desired.

,,We will move tomorrow."ended Skulldugery the quick meeting.  
Not that Tanoth really cared, they hadn't really spoken about anything important.  
Not with her in the room.  
Silently she watched Ghadtly leave the room.  
Something in her wanted to follow him, get together have a happy end.  
That part was stupid.

She turned around and left.

.........

,,Is it Aurora?"asked Sanguin suddenly out of the blue.  
Until now Dexter had enjoyed the short silence, which had been granted him, when he threatened to break Sanguins jaw all over again, if he wouldn't shut up.

,,What?"asked Dexter, suprised.

,,OK, it isn't her then.  
Is it.....Tanith.  
No, she is already Ghastlys."observed Sanguin landlocked curious at Dexter.  
Slowly Dexter understood what Sanguin was taking about.

,,We aren't discussing my love life here."

,,Why not?"questioned Sanguin.

,,Privacy. I don't want to share my private life with you and you don't want to share it with me."

,,That isn't right.  
Ask me what you want and let me ask in return what want."offered Sanguin and grinned at him.

That could be interspersed thought Dexter, after all he knew what Sanguin would ask.  
In return he could ask Sanguin sone questions he would like to be answered.

,,Deal."agreed Dexter, feeling like he had won.

,,Do you want to start or...?"

,,No, you."

,,Who is the one your thinking about?"

,,Saracen."replied Dexter calmly.  
After all he had knew what would come.

,,Wow, wouldn't have guessed that.  
So then, it is your turn."

That made Dexter think, what did he wanted to know?  
And would the killer even talk the truth?

,,Do you really love Tanith?"asked Dexter slowly.

,,I do, I really do."answered Sanguin and looked immediately serious again.  
His voice sounded as if he was sure of that.

,,So my turn.....are you gay then?"asked Sanguin then, raising an eyebrow.  
Of course Dexter could have expected that too.

,,No, I am bisexual."answered Dexter and thought again.  
There was another question he wanted to ask.

,,Have you never thought about getting the real Tanith back?"

,,No, when I met her it was already to late.  
The remant had attached itself to her.  
So my turn again......  
Did you and Saracen ever did the.....you know?"asked Sanguin not even trying to hide his curiosity.

,,How old are you?"questioned Dexter back and added then ,,We did."  
,,Then tell me, did you and Tanith ever?"  
Dexter knew it had to be a yes, no way that a remant would deny itself some sex.

,,No."came to his suprise the answer and the Sanguin added ,,Are you and Saracen a couple then?"

It hurt to hear this question and to know what the answer was.  
,,No, why did you and Tanith never had sex?"asked Dexter, still confused.  
Trying to distract himself from the fact that he just said no, to the question if he and Saracen were a couple.  
The answer is probably always going to be a no, thought Dexter sadly.

,,I'm gay."came the suprising answer.  
Now Dexter really was confused and suprised.  
Sanguin was gay?  
But then Dexter thought, how should he have know?  
On the other side, Sanguin was together with Tanith and claimed to lover her......

,,So back to you and Saracen, do you love him?"  
Sanguin really knew how to make it hurt the most.  
I do, thought Dexter, but he will never.  
I am just one of his lovers.  
One of many.

,,I do. You mean really gay, like homosexual?"

,,I am, so back to you and Saracen.  
You love him, but you aren't together, so Saracen doesn't want to get together..?"

..........

The punching back would be black and blue bruised by now, if it could bruise.  
Breathing slowly in, Ghastly tried to calm himself.  
One day, I will know how to save her.  
I'll get the remant out.  
She will be free....  
That will never happen, told avoice in his head him.  
Shut up, thought Ghastly.  
Even trough he knew it was his common sense and that the littel voice was right.  
But I can't give her up.  
Finally I found a woman who could see behind the scars.......

,,You look stressed."called a voice over to him.  
A voice he knew just to well.  
I must have hallucinatins, thought Ghastly.  
Then he turned around.  
There she stood with a smile on her face and started to walk over to him.

,,What are you doing here?"asked Ghastly weakly,he knew his voice was shaken.  
He knew she could see the emotional pain on his face.  
I missed you, thought Ghastly.  
And still you aren't really here.

,,I thought I count stopp by, talk, chat a littel.  
And now we have the small talk behind us.  
You know why I'm here."  
She said and slowly walked towards him, until there was only a small distance between them.

,,I don't know."replied Ghadtly defensly, even trough he could guess it.

,,Really? don't try to play the innocent one here."told she him looking amused.

,,I am not trying to be innocent.  
I just want to be sure, so show me."demanded Ghastly.

,,Of course I'll show you."then she leaned forward and kissed him softly on his lips.

.........

The talk with Sanguin had been strangely refreshing and made him admit some things to himself out loud.  
I love Saracen.  
We aren't going to be a couple.  
Never.  
There is no next time.  
There will never be a next time.  
I am wasting my time waiting.

Right now he was sitting on a couch, figuring trying to figure his p8ve life out.  
How could it ever come to this?  
I am after all Dexter Vex, an adventurer, a dead man.  
But above all am a love sick fool.  
I am a idiot.

,,What are you thinking about?"asked a deep voice out of all sudden.

,,Saracen and me."answered Dexter immediately.

,,You still didn't managed to get together?"asked Antin, but even trying to hide his suprise.

,,No."answered Dexter and didn't even tried to hide his confusion at that.

,,Maybe you should move on."suggested Anton sighing deeply.

,,Do you really think...?"

,,I do.  
Maybe there is nothing to wait for Dexter."

...........

Ghastly and Anton would go back with Erskine to protect him.  
There us something wrong with that plan, thought Dexter but couldn't put his finger on it.

While they were going over the details he was wandering around trying to clear his head.  
For year know he had lied to himself.  
That is over, thought Dexter to himself.

,,What are you doing?"asked a familiar voice him.  
For his liking to familiar,he liked it better when he didn't just knew who was the talker, the second he heard him.  
He would have liked it more if they stil was more distance between them.

,,I am thinking, you should try it once in a while."advices Dexter and looked at Sanguin, sitting on couch.  
The couch he had sat on, when he talked to Shudder.

,,Very funny."muttered Sanguin and glared daggers at him.  
Grinning Dexter sat next to him.  
He was getting an idea.  
Maybe it really was time to move in, maybe not directly into a relationship.....but a littel fun.

,,Why are you with Tanith, if you are gay?"asked Dexter then.

,,Like I said, I love her. Not romantically trough.  
There are many ways to love somone."added Sanguin.

Dexter nodded.  
,,I guess there are."agreed Dexter.

,,So back toy question, what are you doing here?"

,,I am getting over Saracen."answered Dexter and kissed him.

.......

Waking up was awful.  
It seemed to him as if the night and evening had been a sweet dream and now he was waking up to the brutal reality again.  
The place next to him in the bed was still warm, but it was empty.

Groaning he stood up and gathered his clothes, still located on the floor.  
She had left of course by now.  
Oh Tanith, thought Ghastly, why have you done this to me?  
Not that he would ever ask her that, he couldn't admit out loud to her that he still lived her with all of his heart.  
Even if it was the truth.  
Why did you broke my heart all over again?  
The question echoed trough his head, but he wouldn't get an answer.  
Maybe it was better that way.  
After all a remant was bound to Taniths soul, she probably didn't cared about him the slightested.

.........

,,Seems like you had a rough night?"

Suprised Tanith turened around and faced a grinning Sanguin.  
She really had thought that she was quit enough to make it back without waking him up.....  
Wait.  
She didn't woke him up, realised Tanith, he was dressed.  
But Sanguin was never awake at this time of the morning or at least not dressed.

,,Why are you awake?"questioned Tanith and narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down.  
His own appearance was the one of a man who put on his clothes in a hurry and his hair was a total mess.

,,You didn't answered my question."pointed Sanguin out and crossed his arms.  
He was sitting on their bed and looking up at her, expecting answers.

,,I was with Ghastly."muttered Tanith absent minded and instead concentrated on her question ,,So who was with you?"

,,Dexter."replied Sanguin which took Tanith by complete suprise.  
But in an instant Sanguin tried to change the theme ,,So you and Ghastly are a thingh now?"

That is now officially the strangest relationship I ever had.  
In public we are boyfriend and girlfriend but here he us asking me if I got together with the man of my dreams.

,,You know that and Ghastly will never be together.  
For him I will always be the remant and not Tanith.  
And I get it,I am not the woman he loves,I am just the using her body."  
For once Sanguin shut up.  
At least I managed that, thought Tanith sadly.

,,Maube he doesn't love you yet, but if he really would get to know you, he would realise that you aren't Tanith.  
But that isn't bad, you are you and I can only say that you are a woman who deserves to be loved."ended Sanguin his littel speech.

,,Thanks."muttered Tanith.  
Once again she was reminded why she had chosen Sanguin and why it had been a good choice.  
Not always of course, he could be utterly annoying, but he had the tendency to make up for it.

,,So let us change the theme.  
You and Dexter.?"

............

It was weird to stand be standing around the table again.  
Now there wasn't only his ex standing right next to him, no his last one night stand was talking to his girlfriend.  
We live in a strange world thought Dexter.

,,Everyone knows what to do?"asked Skulldugery on the round. In return they all nodded their agreement. Now it is really starting, thougt Dexter, we are back to the dangerous part again. ........... ,,Shouldn't you be with Tanith right now?"questioned Dexter, as soon as he saw Sanguin. The killer just shrugged. ,,I gues she us saying goodbye to Ghastly, he us going soon with Anton and Erskine."replied Sanguin. As if he wasn't bothered his girlfriend spent time with the man who loved her. Don't ask, told Dexter himself, this is to confusing. ,,What are you doing here?" ,,I came to talk,a littel. I mean I try to keep my nose out of stuff that isn't my business, but sometimes I can't help it." ,,I noticed."replied Dexter dryliy. ,,Good, then maybe that's a littel less awkward." A littel later his own mission ended unexpected. They were trying to find the remnants and bring them back to their prison when they encountered a littel boy. Nothing unusual,apart from his strange singing and the fact he was possed by a remant. The last thingh Dexter knew that they were trying to run, when somethingh dark forced his jaw open and somethingh cold entered his troath. Don't let thus be the end, thought Dexter. I don't want to be like Tanith, possed by a remant for enetrrnity, living a live I normally would despise. Please, don't.... The coldness spread trough his body and it all went dark. ......... They cought Dexter again. But this time,I won't get him back. I wanted my last chance to spent time with him, because I was afraid of.....commitment. I was scared and he is gone. Possed by a remant.


End file.
